


If What Hurts You, Helps You

by DisastrouslyYours



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: 2D has nightmares, M/M, Potentially OOC, also cell phones exist, how do tags work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-05-24
Packaged: 2018-11-03 09:48:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10964751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisastrouslyYours/pseuds/DisastrouslyYours
Summary: 2D has one of his recurring nightmares, but this time he is both hoping and fearing Murdoc will help him through it.





	1. 2am Texts

**Author's Note:**

> (I apologize if they're a little OOC, I'm still working on how to capture their personalities in my writing)

_“Are you awake?”_

He knew it was a long shot, but he sent the text anyway. Stuart closed his eyes and hoped he wouldn’t get a response almost as much as he hoped he would get one. Five minutes later, his phone buzzed.

_“I wasn’t, but I am now. This better be good.”_

Stuart swallowed hard, knowing now he had to respond or else Murdoc would be actually mad.

_“…I just had another nightmare is all and I really can’t fall back asleep.”_

After pressing send, he tried to recall why he thought this would be a good idea in the first place. He mentally catalogued this into the “this was stupid: do not do again” section of his mind before shoving his phone underneath his pillow, hoping it would muffle the sounds of his phone. Unfortunately for Stuart, that didn’t work, and he found himself fishing for his phone as soon as he felt the vibration.

_“So what the bloody hell do you want me to do about it? Hold ya hand and coddle ya and say ooo it’ll be okay, ooooo everything is fine??!!”_

Not only did that sting, but it solidified his thoughts that this definitely was a bad idea. He decided not to respond this time, he didn’t want to get into it anymore. In an attempt to force himself back to sleep, he rolled over and squeezed his eyes shut. Five minutes later, he pretended he didn’t hear his phone go off. Another five minutes later, he told himself that he was imagining it as a sort of wishful thinking. After a third text, curiosity got the best of him and he found himself practically lunging to check his phone.

_“Stu.”_

_“Dents??”_

_“For Satan’s sake, Stuart, learn to take a joke once in a while”_

Mixed signals, as per usual. Now he really didn’t want to get into it, and every second he was still awake reminded him of his stupid, dumb decision to send the initial text in the first place.

_“Never mind.”_

Some relief came from sending that text, maybe due to a sense of standing up for himself or…something like that? _Maybe now he’ll drop it, leave me alone, now that I’m over it._ Stu tried to convince himself that he was off the hook, that he really didn’t want to have that discussion. _What made me send a text in the first place?_ He racked his brain trying to make sense of his decision, but his thoughts were interrupted by another buzz of his phone.

_“Don’t make me come over there”_

As expected, Murdoc was now beyond annoyed and potentially even furious. Stuart swallowed hard, making a mental note to get a lock for his bedroom door (and making another mental note to try not to forget) before turning his phone off. There were too many emotions associated with the thought of Murdoc barging into his room; fear, for one, but there was also a sense of excitement. There was always the slight but unlikely chance Murdoc wanted to check on him out of courtesy, but Stuart knew that was his wishful thinking chiming in again. Rationally, he expected that the minute Murdoc threw open his bedroom door, some object would be hurled at him just to make sure his frontman was still alive. Because after all, that’s all Murdoc cared about - that his singer was alive and able to make music. _Stupid_ , he thought to himself, _only you would be hoping that the man in your nightmares would help you through them._

The last thing he expected to hear was a knock on his door, followed by the door being slowly pushed open. Thankful he was facing away from it, Stuart kept as still as possible in an attempt to convince the visitor he was asleep. His heart was racing, more from fear than excitement at this point, and he hoped his pulse wasn’t audible.

“Dents, I know you’re not asleep, do you want to talk about it?” Murdoc spoke in a fairly neutral tone, which made the other man hold his breath. He couldn’t read Murdoc’s emotions by his voice, which was a very bad thing. _I wish he’d just throw something at me and get it over with, I’m not in the mood right now for games._ Stuart didn’t know what the right answer was to Murdoc’s question, and briefly paused to think about how absurd it was that he felt there was a right answer to a yes or no question. Mustering up any sort of confidence he could find within himself, he responded with what he hoped was a firm sounding “No.”

The silence in the room was deafening, overwhelming and overly stress-inducing. He heard Murdoc shift his weight, then turn and walk towards the door. “I’ll ask you again in the morning”, again speaking in the same neutral tone. The gentle click of the doorknob and the faint footsteps were indicators that Murdoc had left, and when Stu finally found himself falling asleep again he hoped he either wouldn’t wake up or that Murdoc would forget the situation by morning.


	2. Foreign Emotions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 2D tries to ignore the situation at hand, and Murdoc tries to figure out how to make it better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol how do you write titles and chapter summaries

It was well past an acceptable time to wake up when Stuart opened his eyes. His alarm clock read 1:17pm, and he wondered if it were even worth it to wake up that day. _The others will worry about you if you don’t get out of bed today._ It was a decent thought, but when weighed against a potential encounter with Murdoc, he decided to be selfish for once. He could always text Noodle and Russ saying he had a headache and they wouldn’t think twice about it. It was a great plan, perfect in his mind, until his stomach betrayed him with a painful growl. After a solid five minutes of trying to ignore the hunger pains, Stu gave in to his basic needs. After all, how much damage could be done by a fifteen minute trip downstairs for food? 

After hastily throwing on clothes, he tried in vain to will his hunger away. That is, until he realized that his chances of Murdoc _actually_ being around were very low; it’s not as if it were like him to wait around to talk. Having had the revelation, Stu felt more comfortable pursuing his dreams of getting a nice breakfast. Still, he hesitantly walked down the stairs. Relief washed over him as he realized that the only person on the first floor was Noodle. 

“Good morning!” She chirped, looking up from a book she was reading on the couch. “Good morning, Noodle” Stu replied with a  smile on his face. After making some toast and a cup of tea, he sat down at what the kitchen table and scrolled through one of the pointless social media apps on his phone. He didn’t notice that Noodle had moved across the table from him until she spoke up. 

“Murdoc said something about you having a nightmare?” She leaned forward and placed her head in her hands, smiling softly. Stu nearly choked on his tea, “I mean I always have nightmares?” He tried to laugh it off a little, it wasn’t a secret that his dreams were very seldom good. With a little sigh, Noodle took one of Stu’s hands in her own. “I’m always here to talk about it, if you want. Always.” Their eyes met and Stuart gave her hand a small squeeze. “I appreciate it, Noodle.” He really did, and would’ve felt comfortable venting to her, but he still didn’t feel up to it. A part of him was hoping that if he ignored it, the problem would eventually subside. Noodle didn’t press him further, but instead just sat with him as he ate his breakfast making small talk. It was comforting, and left Stuart feeling a bit more at ease to go about his day. 

Surprisingly, he went about his entire day without once seeing the man he was hoping to avoid. Not surprisingly, this made him equal parts relieved and upset. Later in the evening, he found himself aimlessly plunking out chords on the keyboard in his room and attempting to string together anything that resembled a melody to them. He let his thoughts wander any which way they wanted to go, until they were interrupted by a soft knock on his door. Briefly he considered not answering it. Yet taking a good guess at who was on the other side, Stuart knew they would let themselves in anyway. Cutting his losses, he sighed and replied with a half hearted “come in.” 

“I was going to wait for you to come find me and talk about it when you were ready, but you never bloody came so here I am now.” Murdoc was still standing in the doorway, as if waiting to be invited in. Blinking a couple times and trying to process the sentence just delivered to him, all 2D could respond with was “you can come in, for real.” 

Hesitantly, the shorter man took a couple steps forward and gently closed the door behind him. _I’ve never seen him act this way._ It was both perplexing and intriguing, and Stuart found himself heavily on guard. _Probably going to make fun of me, or use this against me somehow._ His brain echoed thoughts of how this was most likely a play against him, how Murdoc was just pretending to be nice and how this would come back to bite him somehow. He hadn’t moved from the stool in front of the keyboard, and simply watched the other man position himself against the wall across from him. 

“I’d like to hear about it. Your nightmare.” His tone was softer than usual, his arms crossed and one leg propped against the wall for support. _Seems genuine enough, would explain why he looks so uncomfortable._ Against his better judgement, 2D gave in like he always did with Murdoc. “Fine,” he swallowed hard, looking away from the bass player. “It was about Plastic Beach.” Stuart focused on an empty pill bottle lying on his floor, bracing himself for an object being thrown at him. When he didn’t feel an impact, the singer turned to meet his gaze with the man across from him. Murdoc shifted his weight, changing the leg that was pressed up against the wall. Maintaining eye contact, speaking in a low voice, he asked “About the whale?” There was a brief pause, and Stuart thought he heard Murdoc’s voice shake a bit when he asked “Or about me?” 

The singer could’ve screamed. He could’ve screamed until his throat bled. The elephant in the room had been addressed, and he found himself speechless. _Yes! Of course about you! Always about you!_ There were too many thoughts in Stu’s mind, and like a demolition derby they collided against every corner of his brain. He searched Murdoc’s eyes for anything, for any indicator of emotion, for any reason he should tell him how he hurt him. All he found in the two mismatched eyes staring back at him was concern. It was unfamiliar and only added more thoughts to the storm. He felt like there was an actual tornado inside his skull. 

“I’m gonna take a guess that it’s me.” Murdoc dropped his gaze and shuffled his feet, shoving his hands in his pants pockets. 2D felt his stomach drop and twist, an indicator that there was now a 90% chance of him crying. _Because that’s exactly what you need to do right now._ He found himself too wrapped up in his thoughts to respond, too concentrated on trying to pin down them down and stop the tornado before it gave him a headache. 

For Murdoc, the silence was deafening and spoke a thousand truths. “Stu,” he tried to meet the singers gaze, “please say something, anything.” There was a hint of worry in his voice, and it was just enough to spring the first leak in 2D’s eyes. In an effort to stop the tears before they really started, and to avoid looking the other man in the eyes, Stuart squeezed his eyes shut. He managed to respond with a “yes” in barely a whisper, afraid his voice would betray him and crack. Wanting to see his response, Stu opened one of his eyes to watch the bass player’s reaction. 

Murdoc took a step forward and slowly began to raise one of his hands. He didn’t realize he was holding his breath until he watched the singer flinch at the sight of his hand and let out a sigh. “Ah, Stu.” He shrugged and let his arm fall limp, and slid down the bedroom wall until he was sitting on the floor. The two men were at a loss for words, a foreign situation to them both. 2D finally stood up from the stool, and went and sat next to Murdoc on the floor. Every ounce of his body warned him that this was a terrible idea, that it would only end miserably. Ignoring those thoughts the best he could, he gathered up any last sense of strength he had. 

“A lot of them are about you. Some are mild, just stuff being thrown at me, ya know? Others are…not as mild.” He paused, waiting for any response. The bass player turned his gaze to give his full attention to the singer, silently urging him to continue. “The one last night was not mild.” 2D’s throat was dry, tears were starting to well up in the corners of his eyes. “And it also involved the whale.” He felt his tears start to roll down his cheek, and hoped to any higher power that Murdoc was not planning a cruel joke. He knew he wouldn’t be able to handle it in this state of mind. 

Murdoc’s own conscience spoke up for the first time in an eternity. _Satan, you really did a number on this one. And he still came back to record another album._ He wouldn’t let himself feel guilt, but in this moment his conscience was giving it’s best attempt to force it upon him. The weight of the unfamiliar sensation made his throat close, and briefly he thought that he should apologize. _How do you even apologize for something like this?_ He knew he had to do something, or he risked losing his frontman. _You’ll lose a lot more than just a singer if you keep that mentality._ He tried to recall how to comfort someone, thinking about different movies and television shows he’d watched. The taller man sitting next to him and slumped down so far that his head was about at Murdoc’s shoulder, giving the bass player a potential answer to his question. 

Murdoc scooted closer to the dejected man, very slowly and gently draping and arm across his shoulders. He felt his cold heart nearly crack when 2D momentarily tensed up under his arm. The guilt in his throat thickened, and he closed the gap between their bodies. 2D relaxed slightly, and nestled his head against Murdoc’s chest. _Even after all you did._ The bass player wondered if you could actually die from choking on guilt. He brought his other hand up to gently wipe tears away from Stuart’s face. He wanted to say something, anything that would comfort the man next to him, but all he could do was wrap his other arm around Stu and give what he hoped would come off as a hug. 

There were a million things 2D wanted to say to Murdoc, wanted to get off his chest while he had the chance. As he felt the bass player actually hug him, any hope he had of holding a conversation faded away to nothing. Stu wrapped his arms around Murdoc’s waist and buried his face in his chest, letting his tears fall freely. Murdoc simply held him close and rested his chin on top of the singer’s head. He ran his fingers softly through the locks of blue hair, whispering “It’ll be okay, everything’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen to you.” He knew he would need to one day muster a real apology, but for now, holding 2D as he cried seemed to be the best option. 

Even though he had no real reason to, Stuart believed what Murdoc was saying. After all, things were different now, and after all, he did willingly rejoin the band. Now sobbing into the other man’s chest, 2D found himself comforted and with an absence of fear. This, in and of itself, caused a few more tears to fall. Comfort was all he felt as he poured all his emotions out onto Murdoc’s shirt that night, until he eventually drifted asleep in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey! I first want to thank you all so so much for all the love and support and the first chapter! I can't even begin to express how much it means to me. 
> 
> Second, hope you enjoyed part two! I love me some "Murdoc trying to redeem himself", and I hope I did it a justice. As always, any and all feedback appreciated. <3

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! It's been a while since I've written a fanfic, and this is my first Gorillaz attempt. Please let me know any way I can improve, I'd really appreciate it. I'm thinking about another chapter or two, so also let me know if you'd be interested.


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